An unfit mother called El

Must...cook.....feed....more

2009-10-27T14:40:21Z

The new kitchen has had the anticipated effect of turning me into a baking-obsessed housewife. My latest concoction was pure win - citrus cupcakes with orange-lime icing. I had to make mum take the remainder of the batch into work so that I wouldn't eat them all myself. I'd forgotten how much fun it is to lose track of time in a kitchen surrounded by measuring spoons, clouds of flour and the smell of gingerbread. Next up will be a first attempt at a new brownie recipe, lemon cheesecakes, apricot and white chocolate cereal bars, and carrot & pineapple muffins. Nom nom nom

Oh, and on the savoury side of all things culinary I've discovered the perfect marinade for chicken drumsticks. I'm thinking that with the addition of chinese five-spice and plum sauce it might work well in giving an oriental kick to some duck breasts so that'll be one to try soon.

In non-cooking news, a trip to Edinburgh is fast approaching. I'm taking Daniel on the train from Hemel to Edinburgh, via London. On my own. It's the first time I've actively dreaded the journey, and it's kind of sad to feel that way....travel was such a huge part of my life before Daniel came along, and I always subscribed to the notion that the journey was as big a part of a trip as the destination itself. Instead of an MP3 player, a book and gorgeous scenery to pass the time, this journey means having to fix food in advance, and remembering to bring the right toys and books, and bracing for at least one screaming fit, and standing in the vestibule for an hour singing "train whistle blowing" five hundred times whilst trying to get my child to take a long-overdue nap. I can hardly blame him - why should I expect an active toddler to sit still for the best part of five hours? - but then again I think I can be forgiven for feeling my heart sink at the prospect of it.

It's no good- I'm gonna have to fit in a batch of peanut butter cookies before Daniel wakes up. Anyone want to come and lick the spoon??

Quote of the moment

2009-06-06T20:34:38Z

"You're so far down the moral ladder that even if you looked up with a telescope, you wouldn't be able to see the soles of a paedophile's feet." - Christopher Brookmyre

Things people should know

2009-06-06T20:11:37Z

1. I have the bestest son in the history of the world.

2. Said son took his first independent steps on our birthday - he toddled from my brothers arms over to me, flung his arms round my neck and gave me a big slobbery baby kiss. And I cried my eyes out (to much amusement from brother and sister, and much understanding from my own mother).

3. He now toddles around pretty fearlessly, arms out in front of him zombie-style. I really need to get a video of it and add "Thriller" as the soundtrack.

4. He had his first vegan meal recently - tofu and cashewnut veggie rissoles and stir-fried vegetables. This is awesome.

5. I need someone to help me develop the perfect fruity Pimms sorbet recipe.

6. I am thinking of going back to work part-time...I think Daniel is ready for a few hours of nursery four days a week. And I'm ready for a few hours away from drool, the irritating songs on his baby walker and "Hairy Maclary".

7. I haven't seen most of you in AGES. Give me some available dates and I will gladly head to London for visits!

That stooopid BNP election leaflet

2009-05-25T11:51:45Z

If it weren't so horribly offensive to think that people actually think that way, then I'd laugh at the concept. It was the way they talked about British workers for British jobs, and then put in "Because WE'VE EARNED THE RIGHT". This last above a line stating "TRAFALGAR - THE SOMME - DUNKIRK - D-DAY - THE FALKLANDS"

Well, I think I was supposed to be stirred to patriotism. But actually linking jobs and earning the right for them with battles that took place decades (even centuries) ago is genius. I can see now the octo-, nono- and centarians being so pleased that they'd be number 1 employment priority for the BNP. But I wasn't at those battles. In fact, the vast majority of us weren't. Does that mean we haven't earned the right? Oh, bugger. Best get in the dole queue then - or the emigrant ship. But hey, the Gurkhas have fought for us, so you'd think that by the logic of the BNP poster they would be first in line for the jobs and stuff. No?

Tell you what, though - they got one thing right. Anyone living in Britain who was at the Battle of Trafalgar DEFINITELY deserves some special consideration.

Post-holiday blues

2009-05-23T19:17:58Z

Why can't real life be like Center Parcs?

No traffic to negotiate - sports and activities always going on - the awesomeness that is the subtropical swimming paradise, where it is always the Caribbean even when it's pissing it down outside - lovely woodland glades with tons of housing that manages to not overlook other people's accommodation - baby-friendliness EVERYWHERE - and a spa where the grownups can escape to for some top-level pampering.

We had the bestest holiday ever. Daniel was so well-behaved (even in the restaurants) and so worn out that his night wakings were absolutely minimal. It is crap to come back to real life.

I want to go back. Anyone else want to come with me next time?

Anticipation

2009-05-14T09:40:14Z

Got a top week of win coming up. Namely:

Today: Bro comes home from uni for the summer
Tomorrow: Visit from my favourite Aunt and Uncle
Saturday: My wonderful Edinburgh-based friend Em visits (first time in 15 months that I've seen her)
Sunday: Top mate James and I meet up with Em for coffee
Monday: OFF TO CENTER PARCS FOR DANIEL'S FIRST "PROPER" HOLIDAY!

Aqua Sana! Swimming! Badminton! Rollerblading! Aerobics! Cycling with Dan in a little wagon behind me!

And so much goodness to fill the time until the holiday starts. How the heck did things go from feeling so crap to being so great in the space of just a couple of days?

hooray!

2009-05-05T10:41:23Z

Really starting to get to grips with my weight now. Today I stepped on the scales and they revealed that I am now below 10st, for the first time since 2005. Clothes are hanging off me, I'm going to have to sort through the packed-up stuff to see if anything there will fit. It's a shame having no money with which to purchase sexy clothes to adorn a noticably svelter me.

Daniel is beyond lovely.

I got 82% on my last essay.

It's my birthday this month (which obviously means it's Dan's birthday too). Cue joint birthday festivities!

heathentorch @ 2009-04-29T21:10:00

2009-04-29T19:53:05Z

There is nothing like hearing "Make You Feel My Love" to make me teary-eyed as I remember the special people I've been fortunate enough to count as friends (and more) in my life.

heathentorch @ 2009-04-28T22:32:00

2009-04-28T21:15:27Z

This evening whilst my little man has slept, I've been reading through some very old emails, taking a little trip down memory lane. I went to a point in my life when I was probably as happy as I've ever been.

Not sure how I ended up here from that point. It was a circuitous journey, for sure.

Rough few days here, and I was thinking how lovely it would be to be able to go back to that time in my life again and re-live days that were ripe with possibility, instead of feeling so trapped by the mundane.

On a happier note, Dan enjoyed his swimming today, so I guess life isn't all bad :)

misery, thy name is teething

2008-12-01T10:21:13Z

Oh boy.

The little man had a little white spot appear on his lower gum on November 20th. But instead of that tooth appearing first, it's neighbour has broken through. The entire top of it is now above the gumline, like some tiny little razor just waiting to catch unwitting fingers. No troubles with feeding yet, but my GOD I'm dreading the coming few weeks.

But it has turned my usually happy little man into the world's most unpredictable baby. He can go from laughing to screaming in the blink of an eye. Nothing is safe from his mouth, and I'm considering installing a drip tray under his chin. As for sleeping, we are currently getting perhaps two hours between wakings at night, and he is struggling with naps in the day. Perhaps now was not the best time to introduce the cot bed - he's actually sleeping in with me for at least part of each night at the moment, just so both of us can get some rest.

Calpol is officially my new best friend.

Boredom

2008-05-22T09:48:23Z

All this waiting is driving me crazy. I tend to nap in the day, do a little housework, get a bit more of my essay done, crawl around the floor to try and ensure baby is in the optimal position, and generally just try and build up my energy for the big event.

Today I have an appointment with the midwife. In spite of being bored and anxious for baby to make an appearance, I have decided that I am going to refuse any attempts at induction just yet. For one thing, the estimated delivery date is just that - an estimate. If he's not coming out, maybe he's just not quite ready yet. Or perhaps I'm just not ready yet! Unless there is a compelling medical reason to get things moving (i.e. a significant risk to my health or that of the little one) there seems no purpose in forcing things at a faster pace than nature deems appropriate. So you (and we) will just have to wait until little one decides that he is ready for his grand entrance.

Oh, and HUGE thank-yous for not badgering me with "is there any news" messages and phonecalls. My extended family haven't sussed this one out yet (do they think I'm going to try and keep it secret?!) so I'm grateful that it's only a few dementedly excited great-aunts and second cousins that I have to cope with.

As I say - if there's news, you'll be informed. Maybe not immediately after the birth, but just as soon as either P or myself are able to communicate it.

Breastfeeding in public

2008-05-13T13:38:45Z

I watched an item on the news last night about mums going out in a group to a pub which was happy for them to breastfeed en masse, and looked at how various women were visiting their local coffee shops/eateries etc and asking if they would mind displaying a sticker in their windows indicating that breastfeeding was welcome on their premises. There was a discussion between a mum who felt that there should be legislation (as in Scotland) protecting women's right to breastfeed in such places, whilst a representative from a small business federation argued that business owners should be free to decide whether or not to permit it in response to customer feedback.

Obviously this issue is shortly to become very relevant to me, as I intend to breastfeed my child (who incidentally is due to make an appearance this weekend - eek!).

I can see both sides of the arguement - I can perfectly understand that there are people who might be uncomfortable around a breastfeeding woman for whatever reason - e.g. they think of breasts in purely a sexual manner, or their cultural background dictates that they shouldn't see more of a woman to whom they are unrelated than face, hands and feet, or they simply feel that it is not something they wish to witness. I can understand that, and I'm not in the habit of actively pissing off other people. So I certainly wouldn't want to breastfeed where it would be making others uncomfortable. I would consider that to be disrespectful.

I read with interest the idea (from a woman who was anti-public breastfeeding) that mums could "plan their day" so as not to be out when baby is hungry. This individual has failed to take into account the fact that very young babies can need feeding as frequently as every three hours, as breastmilk is digested very quickly. Once I've fed baby, changed them, put another load of nappies in the laundry and had my own lunch, how much time will I have to get out and do shoppping/go for coffee with a friend/simply have a stroll in the park before baby is hungry again? Are breastfeeding mums (and their offspring) to be shut away at home??

It is possible usually for people to turn their heads or take a different seat so as not to have a breastfeeding mother in their direct line of sight. Unlike smoking, where I think the onus is on the smoker to move if their activity is bothering other people, the onus is really on the person who is uncomfortable with breastfeeing mums to move because it doesn't directly impact upon the person witnessing it (there's no such thing as passive breastfeeding (nor can I see it being in any way damaging!), and in any event once you and baby are comfy you'll want to maintain that position until the feed is complete.

Perhaps there needs to be a bit more understanding on both sides - breastfeeding mums perhaps being more sensitive to the feelings of others around them (e.g. seeking out a table in a corner where they are less likely to be noticed - which I personally would be happier with anyway as I don't feel the need to be right in the shop window trying to persuade a baby to latch on), and those who find it uncomfortable recognising that ultimately it's not being done with a view to upsetting them, but purely to nourish an infant!

I don't see the need for groups of mums to plonk themselves down in the most conspicuous table at the busiest time of day and start feeding their children en masse. That just seems inflammatory - in some ways perhaps more offensive than people suggesting that a mother hide herself in a toilet to feed her child because there is that deliberate intention to force people to witness the act. I don't think I like the idea of places being compelled to allow mothers to breastfeed - if the majority of your clientele are likely to be upset by it (e.g. a male-dominated shisha cafe on Edgware Road) then what's the point in pissing people off like it? I'd rather that places made an active choice to welcome breastfeeding mothers, so that I know that when I sit down with baby attached to my boob it's not merely being tolerated by the management.

Wibble

2008-05-01T08:29:13Z

Today is May Day. A very special day. Not for any religious or political reason, but purely because this is the month in which I am due to give birth. The due date (as if you guys didn't know) is the 18th....and since they won't let me go beyond two weeks overdue, there is very little chance of P and I seeing out the end of this month without meeting our little one.

The time seems to have flown by since I found out I was expecting. I've been dwelling a LOT on impending parenthood, and having the most vivid dreams about it. They reflect my real fear that I am out of my depth and I have no idea what I am supposed to do to adequately care for a child. I dreamed that P and my mum were in the car outside the house a few days after the baby was born and that they were shouting at me to hurry up because we were all going to work (including me). I was in the house with the baby in my arms and desperately trying to feed the little one before I left the house. Then it struck me that I hadn't actually fed the baby since giving birth. Or changed nappies or clothing. I was utterly convinced that I was going to kill the baby through neglect. Apparantly this type of dream is absolutely normal, and the mothers in my family are reassuring me that they all had those dreams. Mum even told me that her mum left her first baby out in the garden for four hours once as she had completely forgotten about her!!

It's such a daunting prospect, the thought of responsibility for a newborn. I really haven't had much baby experience and I'm terrified of feeling like the most incompetent person on the postnatal ward when it comes to nappy changing, feeding, bathing etc. I'm not afraid of the birth at all - it's the lifetime of responsibility and worry that's disturbing me!

Dr Who

2007-06-09T19:25:53Z

How bloody fantastic was tonight's episode?? Those weeping angels were awesome!

heathentorch @ 2007-04-13T13:23:00

2007-04-13T12:39:53Z

Where the heck did the past three months disappear to?? To give you an idea.....

I have been to Wales a LOT, all very nice out there - particularly the pasties that Paul's dad gets for free.

On the most recent trip I took Paul's three-year-old nephew to see Thomas the Tank Engine IN REAL LIFE at the local steam railway. It was legendary - we had a ride in the train and it was so adorable to watch little Scott as the train pulled away. He watched til Thomas disappeared, and then heaved a sigh so big that his shoulders shrugged. "I LOVE Thomas," he declared wistfully as we left the railway. Major cool points for me!! I quite like littl'uns, which is a good thing as Paul's sis is expecting her next child at the beginning of May. BABY!!!

Had the holiday from HELL in the Bahamas. I've bored most of you with the tale of woe already, but am more than happy to revisit the tragedy with those of you unfamiliar with it.

Made up for such an abysmal holiday by taking a weekend trip to Bristol, stopping at Bath on the way home. Nice hotel, good food, much sightseeing and general all round fabulousness. Next time we go to Batj we shall be sampling the delights of Thermae Bath Spa and imagining ourselves as indulgent Roman sophisticates instead of 21st-century drones.

Packed in my job in London in order to move in with Paul. We have been househunting with a view to buying. Oooh! Currently eyeing up properties in Farnham, but obviously it all depends on where I end up working.

No job as yet, but have sent out a squidillion applications (most of which require waiting). I was the reserve candidate for a position I was really hoping to land. Whilst that is obviously somewhat disappointing, the fact that I was the reserve indicates that I was taken seriously and viewed positively. SO it has encouraged me to apply for more positions at the same employer.

So it's all go at the moment - except on the job front. But at the moment, apart from the obvious monetary concern, it's quite nice. I get to fix Paul breakfast in the morning and sort out his packed lunch, do some housework and job applications, and then prepare dinner in the evening. It's all domestic bliss here!!

Speaking of dinner, I fixed a fantastic That-style curry thing last night. It worked beautifully and Paul was extremely impressed. I have rediscovered the joys of cooking (and isn't it far nicer fixing a meal to share instead of one to eat alone?).

Weekend prospects involve mum visiting us on Saturday to scout out the local area and hang out with us, and the anticipation of a truly awesome delayed-Easter meal of roast duck a la zmiya_san. YAY!!!

Well, I'm off to complete another job application and get the next lot of laundry going.....

Wales weekend

2007-01-12T12:42:38Z

Just a few short hours and I'll be bound for Wales with P. I can't wait - the last time I visited Wales was 1995 so it'll be nice to be back in such a beautiful part of Britain. And I get to meet his family, which I thought I wasn't nervous about but the huge spot that managed to maifest itself on my chin this morning is evidence that perhaps I'm a little more apprehensive than I thought.

But oooh - I get to see the sea, and a ruined castle and a tiny little 14th century church overlooking a little beach in a cove and all kinds of other woundrous things. And I get to spend a weekend with my honey. What could possibly be better than that?? Except chocolate, obviously.

Of course, the fact that I then have over a week off work to savour also adds to my joy today.

Just got to finish arranging refund cheques, producing a statistical return, double checking the financial report and do a stack of filing that's about my height. By six pm. I'm under a little bit of pressure, so I'd best get going and sort it all out!

Be extremely envious

2007-01-08T10:29:58Z

After my fabulous holiday to Canada, I decided I enjoyed it SO much that I needed another break. So P and I have done some hunting, and we shall be off on our hols on 7th February.

It is my first proper beach holiday since I was 18. We have checked the weather norms and they look super. Currently our destination is at around the 28C mark during the day, and sunny. It's beautiful, it's peaceful, it's many people's idea of a dream destination and we are going to spend a whole week there.

Friends, we are going to THE BAHAMAS!!!

Super-hyper-mega-uber squeee!!

It's like pulling teeth

2007-01-05T10:40:45Z

Finally got my bastard tooth extracted, which has made me very happy indeed. The dentist asked "do you want to keep your tooth?". Erm, no thanks!! Maybe that kinda thing was good fun to gross friends out in primary school, but that novelty has worn off in adulthood and I don't want to see the source of my oral suffering ever again.

P is heading over tonight to look after me. I hope he likes soup. Or pasta. That's about all I'm capable of at the moment.

Am so very tired, but there is much work to be done. So work I shall do.

Happy New Year!

2007-01-02T11:40:04Z

"I dream of rain - I dream of flowers in the desert sands
I wake in vain, I dream of love as time runs through my hands."

Damn, I love this song - the most beautifully melancholy lyrics together with such a haunting melody. My heart aches just listening, and I can feel my eyes welling up.

Gorgeous.

Hope 2007 brings all of my lovely friends everything they wish for themselves, and that you all enjoyed ringing in the New Year. Mine was low-key and very enjoyable...6 people total, only one of whom was known to me - we went out to have Thai food and I kissed in the new year with someone rather lovely. Hooray!!

I am so SO happy today. Life has taken a turn for the very good indeed. I have high hopes for 2007, and many plans. I'm convinced that all of my dreams are acheiveable and within reach.

I can't really tell you much more than that. Life is sweet.

What a trip!

2006-12-15T02:25:33Z

The past week and a bit has been amazing. I lova Canada so much!! Taking the train from Vancouver to Saskatoon was the best decision I ever made. For one, not travelling by air really helps to give a sense of just how vast the country really is. And for another, the people on the train were fabulous. I hung out with a nice couple just out of university from Australia, an Aussie family of four on a round-the-world trip, a nice guy from Quebec who was travelling all the way to Toronto because he had been in two near-misses on aeroplanes and couldn't bear the thought of getting back into one, and some guy from Newfoundland with an accent I couldn't understand.

The main reason to take the train is for the scenery though. I took picture after picture but they just don't do it justice. For the first time in decades, there was snow stretching from the coast all the way in to Saskatoon...so the mountains were stunning, as were the frozen lakes and rivers. I spent a lot of time in the Bullet Lounge at the rear of the train, looking out of the back window at a single stretch of track with the snow swirling where our train had disturbed it. They spoil you rotten if you book sleeping accommodation - great food and service. It's definitely the way to travel, and one day I will have to do the whole trip between Toronto and Vancouver.

Since my arrival into Saskatoon I have been shopping, met most of the population of Humboldt (who have been raving about my accent!), Santa Claus bought me a coffee at the Festive Fun Day, I've done much baking, and we had a wiener roast one evening when it was about ten below freezing - followed by night tobogganing at Muenster Hill under the Northern lights! Too many awesome things to even list here.

It's very snowy and beautiful out on the prairies. I really do love the wide open spaces here, and the straight roads stretching as far as the eye can see. I can't believe it's almost over, just one more day and then packing up Saurday morning before flying to Calgary in the afternoon to meet my night flight home to London.

I hope there are going to be a few people around to cheer me up, listen to me drone on about what a great time I had, and help me beat jetlag. I've heard alcohol is the perfect cure, so if anyone wants to help me test the theory at the Maple Leaf one evening next week then let me know!

Today's adventures

2006-12-04T03:38:42Z

Had a super day today. I went up to the observation deck at the Harbour Centre and got some stunning views of the city. Well worth doing. Those mountains! I just can't get over how stunning they are. I'm particularly pleased I saw them with the snow, as the famous rain has started tonight and it looks like that's what's here to stay until I leave the city.

Took the SeaBus over to the North shore (more for the view than anything else). Good fun, and it must be an awesome way to commute to work every day. Though the "escape hatches" in the floor were a little offputting it must be said. After that, I headed down to Commercial Drive to do a little window shopping and hang out with the nice Vancouver lesbians. Good fun was had, they are very friendly. Also stopped at the railway station to collect my tix and get all my info for the trip tuesday.

Got home to be greeted by my bags. Life is feeling good!

Sunday morning

2006-12-03T16:27:04Z

Still jetlagged. STILL sans baggage. According to the Worldtracer system, my bag is "located - airline confirming". Which is super, cos it gives me NO NEW info at all. They knew where it was when I arrived into Calgary. I'd kinda like to know when they anticipate being able to reunite me with all my belongings.

I tried to call the Baggage Services people on the number they gave me. There is absolutely NO option that allows you to speak to a real live person. I've tried 'em all. Instead a snooty British-accented robot voice says "We're sorry, but the file reference you have inputted is not accesible". Because it's the inaugural flight, BA haven't yet updated their misplaced baggage phone system to cope with the fact that they now fly into Calgary. Which would be fine if they hadn't lost any bags.

Next stop is the service number for the Executive Club. Maybe they will be able to find out something and tell me more.

I'm sorry to be going on and on about this, guys, but it really is dominating my waking thoughts right now. I hope this doesn't ever happen to any of you, particularly if you're travelling alone, cos it sucks balls (as championbadger would say).

The story so far....

2006-12-03T00:34:49Z

Well guys, here I am in Canada. Vancouver is starting to get overcast, about +3C (so not unbearable at all) and pretty quiet although to be honest I haven't been out and about much yet.

What a fucken nightmare start to my hols though....my flight left London about 1 hr and 20 minutes late, and although we impressively managed to land in Calgary only 30 minutes after the scheduled arrival, this buggered up my tight connection to YVR. Since it was effectively gone midnight by my body clock, I didn't really care too much and figured I'd just pay whatever and get the next flight. I just had to pick up my bags first, right?

Right?

Hello, bags??! After seeing the carousel empty, and with my bag clearly not there, I wandered over to the assistance desk, where they ran a trace. And tracked them down to a nice pile at Heathrow, along with the bags of nine other unfortunates from a flight which had (at most) 130 passengers. I was in the baggage hall for an hour and a half whilst four utter incompetents dealt with the ten of us whose bags had failed to arrive. All it involved was a couple of forms, describing the bag, picking up compensation of about $70 CDN to purchase essentials and an assurance that they would be sent on Saturday's flight and delivered to us promptly, wherever we happened to be.

But the assistants were useless, slow and pretty abrupt, half the people didn't speak any English and it just added insult to injury to be waiting there - absolutely exhausted - whilst one person asked questions and repeated the answers given to the girl stood RIGHT NEXT TO HIM so she could type it into the computer. One of the Egyptian women who was in the same boat burst into tears. I wasn't far off myself, it has to be said.

Having negotiated that, the WestJet staff were fantastic, got me on standby for the next available flight. Which was delayed. I reached my hotel in Vancouver at about 11:30pm local time (which for you guys in London is about 7:30am Saturday morning). I am jetlagged, stressed and still without baggage. But I don't expect that before about 11pm (assuming they've actually managed to get it right and send it).

Ho Hum, Vancouver. Well, it's pretty, compact, the people I've encountered have been very friendly and the mountains are lovely. So far I have visited Gastown and been charmed by the steam clock, wandered down to Canada Place for the view of the snow-covered mountains, watched a seaplane come into land (which was quite cool, I have to admit) and drunk cup after cup of coffee in an attempt to stay awake and stave off the jetlag. Also have been accosted by innumerable panhandlers. I think that all of Canada's down-and-outs must congregate here because it doesn't go to -40C.

Tomorrow I'm going to take one of the tour buses (I should have done it today but I am just too tired and grouchy after yesterday to care!), and during the evening I'm going on a carol-singing cruise round the harbour. Museums and the observation tower are also onmy to-do list whilst I'm here. And eating many good foods. Once I have my winter clothes (thank GOD I had the sense to pack spare underwear and a change of shirt in my carry-on) I'll be more upbeat and enthusiastic about my holiday, and I will have nicer and more interesting things to say.

For now though it's not even 5pm and I feel utterly beat. Must to stay awake until at least 10pm to have any hope of sleeping the night, though. More coffee for Ellie.....

Flying out today!!

2006-12-01T07:32:43Z

Well, it's just after 7am and I'm just about to hit the office to clear the last few bits n bobs before tidying the flat, grabbing some last minite gifts and then heading to LHR for my Calgary flight. You'd think I'd feel more excited but frankly I'm so tired and still got so many things whirling through my head that it just doesn't seem real.

I'm sure it'll kick in once we start the takeoff run. I LOVE that bit so much. The slow taxi out, lumbering heavily to the end of the runway before turning into position for takeoff, and you look out the window and all the runway lights sparkle at you into the distance. Then a pause and the engines get louder, their pitch higher and the plane starts moving - slowly for a split second then WHAM you feel yourself pushed back into your seat as the pilot opens the throttle fully, the wings bounce and the cabin rattles as the speed increases and the terminal buildings start rushing by the window as the nose lifts, holding that position for what feels like forever and then there's that dipping sensation from the rear of the plane as the wheels clear the ground and the plane starts it's ascent, and the view from the window turns magical....

Oh man, I don't think anyone knows how much I love flying. How can the offspring of a nervous flyer mum and a shit-scared flyer dad enjoy it so much?? Am I a changeling or something? My sister is a much more realistic candidate for "genuine Payne daughter", in that she had to be prescribed valium to enable her to commence and maintain her round the world trip, and she still wept all the way from LA to Fiji. I can just hear my dad saying "That's my girl!"

No time to ponder this anymore as I have to go clear that filing before I go. I will update my lj whilst I'm out there - and if this utter technophobe can manage it, she'll send some pics as well.

Dear Santa - I've been such a good girl, can I please have a cowboy for Christmas? With stetson, wranglers, a big fuckoff belt buckle and "howdy, Ma'am" for a greeting. Love El xx

zmiya_san, I shall track down some maple sugar candy for you. Any other Canadian gift requests, please send 'em here and I will do my best to obtain. May have to purchase a new bag though, my sitcase is stuffed to the gills and that's BEFORE I've started the Christmas shopping.

How not to work

2006-11-20T12:03:14Z

Bleddy knackered after my weekend of busy, but what a weekend it was. Dim sum and l'artisan with exedra, the munch was rocking and met some fantastic folks. Myself and Alex and Steven (the last hardcore munchers at the end of the evening) hit up Ask for late night Italian goodness and more discussion concerning feminism, kink and the abundance of fuckwits in life.

Sunday got up far earlier than my hangover wanted me to because I realised I'd totally forgotten to book tickets for the skating that afternoon. So headed to South Ken and sorted that out before popping up to zmiya_san and exmoor_cat for brunch and general hanging-outage. They are so super to me. Rediscovered the joy of onion bagels too. Yum.

Then off to skate round an ice rink with P...was awesome fun and we neither of us fell down. Yay! May have to do it again because it was just too good. I forgot just how uncomfortable hired skates are though. My toes felt like they were being crushed in a vice. Ed's burgers and rye'n'cokes at the Maple Leaf rounded off a really fun evening.

Gone midday and the sum total of work I have accomplished so far is two photocopies and a stationery order. I need more shuteye...